Another Shitty Something About Love

They lay in the dark. The quiet of the room enveloping them like a thick, comforting blanket, much in the same manner as his arms wrapped around her. There they lay, enjoying the simple pleasure of existing with each other. The soft smell of her fruity shampoo and perfume gently tickled his nose as her golden hair brushed against his face.

She rolled over, wrapping her arms around him, her breath on his neck, as she pressed herself closer to him, taking in his musky scent, mixed with the sweet aroma of his cologne, and a slight hint of stale cigarettes. He could feel her smile, as she took a deep breath.

“Why can’t you love me?” She asked. A hint of sadness reflected in her soft voice as she spoke gently in his ear.

He sat, quiet for a long moment as he thought about it. About why he couldn’t be what she wanted, despite her being everything he needed. His thoughts swirled around, madly, in his head as he reflected upon his past experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Then she came to mind. It was her, she always invaded his thoughts at the worst time. The absolute worst moments. Just when he thought he was going to be okay, and that she wouldn’t, she appeared.

He thought about the first time they met, their first date, their first time. He thought about every vacation they took, every secret they shared. He thought about the time they realized they were so, so in love. He thought about the day he asked her to marry him, and the day she agreed. He thought about moving in with her, being with her all the time, building, creating, living; a life with her. He thought about planning for the wedding. Then he thought about that night. The night it all ended, and he could do nothing.

He smiled, a sad smile then kissed the top of her head; the girl that lay in his arms. He took a breath, pulled her close, and said, “It’s because… It’s because you can’t make me forget.”

She tensed up. He felt it as her arms pulled him closer, the back of his shirt scrunching up as she clenched her hands into tight fists. She exhaled, half breathing, half gasping a soft sob of defeat as she fought for air. He felt her gently nod her head. She remained quiet for a moment, her breath seemingly caught in her throat as she struggled to speak the words.

“I understand,” hardly escaping her lips as he felt the warm breath of her speech painfully floating through the air, smashing into his eardrums as she spoke the words that caused her so much pain. She gently sobbed. He pulled her closer. Neither were sure what to do.

She inhaled sharply, bearing her soul to him, “I really loved you, you know?” A choked sob escaping as she attempted to gasp out the words.

“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry I can’t feel the same.”

They lay there for a while, letting the time pass in silence. Neither of them knowing what would come next. Half asleep, it woke them up. The bright, cheery sound of an alarm, out of place, in light of the current situation. The alarm meant only one thing; it was time for her to go.

She sat up quickly, wiping her eyes and nose with a tissue. “Well, I guess it’s time for me to go.”

He looked at her, a sad smile on his face. “I guess so,” he said, looking deeply into her eyes. “Unless you want to stay?”

She smiled a sad smile and let out half a laugh, “My husband will be expecting me. I was supposed to leave an hour ago.”

She looked around the room, “And it’s about time I actually left. You’re not worth ruining my life over anymore.”

She gave a small shrug and tossed his t-shirt to the ground; as she searched the room in the dark for the clothing she came over in. He covered his face with his hands and exhaled sharply, taking a drink from the cup filled with smoky scented liquid that sat atop his bedside table, before sitting up.

“Your clothes are over there.” He pointed towards the living room, in the general direction of where her clothes were resting; having been there since shortly after she arrived.

She laughed a quick, “Thanks,” and went to go retrieve them.

She dressed quickly. All the while replying to a message from him on her phone. In no time at all, she had assembled her things and neatly organized them into her bag.

He smiled, “Guess it’s time for you to go?”

She lay down next to him and pressed her lips against his. “I guess so, for now.” He shivered as her breath rushed past his ear.

She kissed him once, quickly, then once again for good measure. She headed towards the door.

“Hang on. I’ll walk you out.” He said.

He quickly pulled on a pair of pants, and walked her to her car, the pouring rain soaking them both to the bone, despite the short distance to their destination.

He looked at her. She looked at him. Thunder and lightning rumbled and exploded in the distance. They kissed, one last time, in the rain. She looked at him, again with a sad smile on her face, before he spoke.

“I guess this means we probably shouldn’t talk for a while, huh?”

“Yes,” she said. Then climbed into her car.

She closed the door and the vehicle sprung to life. She waved and blew him a kiss, as she backed out of the parking space; driving off into the cold, gloomy evening. He watched as she turned the corner out of his neighborhood, the taillights of her car illuminating the fog surrounding the area. Then, just like that, the lights disappeared, and so did she.

That was the last time they ever spoke.